The Ridiculous CJMemay

Reflectorman's Bittersweet Arrival in Manayunk

2008-09-19T16:03:00.011-04:00

It finally happened. I thought Reflectorman would never make it to Manayunk, but he has finally arrived... as a sticker??? On a PW box???

After all this time, its just not how I wanted it to happen, is all.

PARK(ing) Day

2008-09-19T16:03:00.003-04:00

8th & Chestnut St:

Skared-e Kitty Sez

2008-09-12T14:55:00.002-04:00

Goodbye Grandpop

2008-04-12T21:26:00.003-04:00

R.I.P.
Joseph R. Meyers
1928 - 2008

Heath Ledger Died?

2008-01-24T11:56:00.000-05:00

Heath is dead

The Greatest Lunch of All Time

2008-01-10T14:20:00.000-05:00

Honestly, one of the greatest meals I have ever had today, and I enjoyed it right here at National Mechanic's.

Here are the details:

Michael Cera vs. Zach Galifianakis

2008-01-09T00:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting much. Thinking about switching over to Twitter for things like this, meh.
Zach Galifianakis has been one of my favorites for years now, sometimes he's on, occasionally, he is off, but in this interview with Michael Cera he frankly blows my mind.

Honestly, some of the funniest material I have seen since Space Ghost: Coast to Coast circa 1994-1995 (the golden era of what I consider to be possibly the funniest television show of all time), and the same format to boot.

No Justice. No Peace. (or is it Know?)

2007-09-21T00:10:00.000-04:00

OR: WTF is 3, 10, and 6?

After a pretty long day, I was heading up Market to catch the 61 bus home. On the 400 block of Market, I heard something; from about a block ahead, right in front of Independence Hall, I heard cheering, and people clapping. I was pretty confused. It was after 9pm, and it sounded like alot of people. The sound was similar to people rallying, like at a high school sporting event, and then it faded.

I slowly came to see huge crowds of people standing in the street, and realized something strange was going on. From as far away as I was, it sounded like people were calling out "3, 10, and 6!" But I doubted that this many people suddenly became this passionate about the Philadelphia area affiliates of the major TV broadcasting networks.

I started marching double-time to catch up and find out what was going on. And as I got closer to the interesection at 6th and Market, I realized that traffic had stopped, and there was well over a hundred people in the road. In the meantime the chant had switched to "No Justice, No Peace", and I had no opportunity to figure out what "3, 10 and 6" meant. But I wanted to know.

So I ran.

I ran about a block, to catch up to the middle of the crowd. They were filling the eastbound lanes of Market, and marching through red lights. At first I thought I sensed tension in the air, the sidewalks were, after all, filled with other people who were, in general, just as curious as I (but, looking back, probably less confused). I soon came to realize, the tension I was feeling was my own nervousness. Its not everyday you find hordes of people marching down Market Street.

I soon came to realize the atmosphere was pretty light-hearted. There were groups of people holding hands, and many with raised fists, some seemed angry, but many seemed happy. The crowd was predominantly black, but not entirely. Bicyclists blocked off intersections to ensure the crowds could cross safely. At this point, my curiousity had overtaken my shame for not knowing what had brought these people to the point that they felt they must interrupt traffic in Center City, so I asked someone what "this" was: "To free the Jena 6."

"Oh," I replied, approvingly. "Of course it was," I thought to myself, "THANK GOD I know what the Jenna 6 is." But more appropriately, I should be thanking Mos Def.

I ran ahead and took some pictures, and followed the crowd back to City Hall, chatting along the way with a couple people, and yearning desperately, to conduct a couple proper interviews, and write down some notes and names. Like a real journalist would. I didn't.

The event, as far as I saw, went off without any trouble, and all in all, the marchers, drivers, and bicyclists seemed to be pretty courteous, patient, and respectful. As they crossed, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. It was then that I first realized I had YET to see a single police officer. I have NEVER EVER been in Center City Philadelphia for longer than 3 minutes without seeing a cop on Market Street. Not at 1:30pm, 9:30pm or 3:30am. That was truly eerie.

I wondered, "Did the police know?"
How could they not? People were stopping traffic.

"They must know and not care."
Which is weird. We tend to think of police as people who want to be there, not only in case of trouble, but often to arouse it. On one hand, I am glad for the marchers sake, that the police weren't there harressing anyone. On the other, I wonder what would happen, if an argument broke out, and the police weren't around to witness it. It truly felt like there were no police in the city.

Anyway, things wound down once the crowd reached City Hall. I was talking to a couple girls from New Jersey who had come over to march. They weren't affiliated with any groups, they just felt it was an important cause. I didn't get their names.

As the chanting faded and the crowd gathered around at City Hall, marchers mixing with the guys on motorcycles who hang out at City Hall at night, I scrambled to get the last few shots on my cameraphone that would capture the crowd's size and atmosphere. I realized I had been shooting in a low resolution setting, more appropriate for text-messaging than for capturing atmosphere, and my phone reminded me for the 3rd or 4th time in 5 minutes that my batter was low. It was precisely at this time that I realized the shot I wanted, framing the crowd with the massive City Hall behind them. Something in my head forced me to spin around.

Broad Street lay stretched out before us all, as far as the eye could see. Low and worn, it was a very long road before us. I ran closer to City Hall and put my back against it, I lifted my camera to take a picture of the back of the crowd, all looking out at Broad Street like a part in the sea that is North Philadelphia. My battery died.

Oh well. I briefly walked next to a crowd full of people who believed so much in something, they marched for it. And I didn't even have the courage to ask anyone their name.

ReflectormanMan reads teh intarweb?

2007-09-20T18:57:00.001-04:00

Woah! It looks like maybe the guy putting these Reflectorman's (or as I call him, ReflectormanMan) everywhere, has been paying attention to all the press he has been getting. Why else would he paste THIS on the side of a city paper box?

I spotted "Paper-Cutout Reflectorman" when I went to take a shot of the fella below at the North-South crosswalk at 6th and Market, on the west side of the intersection. I had just missed the light to cross, so I decided to check out the fruit salad/smoothie cart (Strawberry-Lime is DELICIOUS!!!), and I noticed this guy peeking out from around the corner. The nice ladies that made my smoothie seemed intrigued as to why I would want to take this young man's picture, but deep in their hearts, I could tell they understood.

Oh and now, every time I find a new Reflectorman, I can hear Brian Hickey writing his little cat greeting: "Oh haiz!!! I waz juz livin onna sidda dis box."

Reflectorman: 12th and Filbert

2007-09-19T10:14:00.000-04:00

[photo | Phil H.]

I was going to post two today, this one, and one from 6th and Market, BUT sometimes you have to talk to the Financial Aid department for hours instead of going to work.

...

...arrrrgggghhh!

I'll Give You All The Looove You Need...

2007-09-14T19:42:00.001-04:00

Cause...How can a nice girl like you, fall in looove with a bad guy like me?

He's BACK!
WHAT!?!? In New York?!?!?

Sorry, Cressman, it looks like our man may have moved on.

Ewwwwwwzinater

2007-09-12T02:16:00.000-04:00

At work today, someone showed me this awful commercial for this awful product from Hasbro, called the Super Soaker Oozinater:

Good. God. If you think THAT was horrible try watching on my QUAD-monitor setup at work:

And if you listen carefully at the end, you will hear them note: "Major Pumping Required".

Oh, and just for giggles, The AV Club did a little sketch about it:

Reflectorman #00177

2007-08-16T20:52:00.001-04:00

UPDATE: 08/16/07
AND ANOTHER ONE!!!
8th and Market same side.
I think maybe tomorrow I will walk from Front to Broad checking all the crosswalks for ALL the Reflectormans.
Doubtful.

New Reflectorman (Stickman) Sighting

2007-08-15T22:26:00.000-04:00

Now that I have a job (at least temporarily) in Philadelphia proper I get to enjoy exciting things like...
...
well, I get to look for things that I see in other Philly blog's like The Clog's: Mysterious Mysteries. Like this Reflectorman, (or Stickman, depending on who you ask). This one was sited (by ME!!!) on the crosswalk between the 600 and 700 block, on the north side, of Market Street.

Is this really a new sighting? I have no idea. Who knows maybe I will become a famous stickman locator? Anyone?

Man Changes Name to Optimus Prime, Not Total Loser

2007-07-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, so he probably is a loser. But, at least he is kind-of a likable loser.

Watch that video, until the end, because that is the best part.

A Beautiful Painting

2007-06-11T00:14:00.000-04:00

There was nothing to do today.

For Sale: 2007 Suzuki Forenza [Absolute White]

2007-04-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

This car is practically brand new!!!
My insurance company has gone on record as saying: If this car were to be ruined by some sort of animal that would be a lose-lose situation, in effect, a total loss.

... or something to that effect.

Hello Again. ?

2007-04-04T08:15:00.000-04:00

Jay Purdy of The Extraordinaires at Geno's Steaks in S. Philly

I Just Do What I'm Told

2007-02-10T00:48:00.000-05:00

Inspection? I Laugh in Your General Direction: The Aries Rides Again

2007-02-08T14:37:00.000-05:00

I don't want to talk about why it was out of commission, or what was corrected, just know this:
260,000 miles of experience under this MoFo's belt.
Can't nobody take my pride.
Can't nobody hold me down.
Oh no...
I got to keep on moving.

Update: Saving A Life

2007-01-31T22:38:00.000-05:00

The plant stunk something awful.
I have abandoned the rescue operation.

"I'm Not Saying This Car is Crappy, But..."

2007-01-31T17:18:00.000-05:00

Jobs for Josh: First Posting

2007-01-31T15:46:00.000-05:00

Jobs for Josh is where I try to find a new job for my friend Josh. He works at a bank, but I know that he needs to break out of that stuffy bank environment and find something truly liberating.
Like this:

Falling Bomb Whistling Sound, Followed By Explosion

2007-01-30T23:28:00.000-05:00

Guess whose car didn't pass inspection????

Is That Human Blood on the Bumper?

2007-01-30T23:26:00.001-05:00

What an excellent specimen of a Toyota Cressida 300:
Here on Craigslist

Gorgeous, in fact.

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff...

2007-01-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

I forgot my wallet.

Saving A Life

2007-01-23T10:24:00.000-05:00

I brought a plant home from work. It was not doing too well:

I forgot to take its picture before I started hacking stuff off, but trust me, it wasn't pretty.

So, I'm going to do my best to prune it down, re-pot and soil it, then nurse it back to health.

I cut off alot of stuff, and plenty of it just broke off. I decided to get rid of anything of length, because the plant is probably wasting so much energy/water keeping these long vines alive, with no leaves on them to photosynthesize.

Then I doused it with water and plant food, just to let it soak for a day or two. Tomorrow I will change the soil and pot, then find it a sunny spot in the window.

A Thought For Friday Afternoon: Performance Anxiety

2007-01-19T16:42:00.000-05:00

I've noticed these thoughts for friday afternoon have been getting less and less enjoyable the more I do them. I suppose the pressure of having to perform consistently can affect the quality of my work. Therefore I guess I will have to start working on these earlier in the week. I don't know.

That's all I got sorry.

First Snowfall

2007-01-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

I Can NOT Get Enough Of Those Cavemen!

2007-01-18T23:48:00.001-05:00

Just Arrived From Netflix: 'Namstock

2007-01-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

This is where I tell you what movies are coming from Netflix, and why I decided to rent them. Then I may or may not review them.

This week: Charlies All Over Me!!!

Full Metal Jacket [1987] I just saw Children Of Men and the second the closing credits started rolling I couldn't wait to watch Full Metal Jacket again. (Children of Men is visually very similar to F.M.J., and its got some Blade Runner and 28 Days Later in there, too: Recommended viewing.) I'm really excited to watch Full Metal Jacket again, because it has been years, and I have a greater appreciation for Vincent D'Onofrio. Maybe I will have a little film festival and watch all of Stanley Kubrick's movies sometime soon.

Apocalypse Now [1979] Renting Full Metal Jacket felt incomplete, so I went all out on 'Nam. Apocalypse Now is one of the most controversial Hollywood films of all time. I have the Redux in my queue, as well, but I went with the original because this is one of the older movies of the 3. Without having over 20 years of reflection, and thoughtful consideration, this movie (and this edit) has a more immediate reaction to what happened there. And I don't remember it that well...

(The)* Deer Hunter [1978] I freaking love The Deer Hunter: Sam Raimi, Jack Nicholson, Sharon Stone, and Dakota Fanning.
Best. Movie. Ever.

Next Week: Sci-Fi Film Festival: Blade Runner, Tron, and THX 1138!

*(The Netflix envelope drops the 'the' altogether, so I thought I'd just parenthesize it.)

Who Put THIS Here?

2007-01-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Classes This Semester

2007-01-18T16:12:00.000-05:00

Physics: Motion & Matter
An introduction to the ideas and techniques used in the study of motion. Application to a wide variety of physical systems ranging from air molecules to footballs to black holes. Mostly descriptive using photographic techniques, films, and demonstrations.

Tuesday & Thursday 5:30 PM - 7:10 PM
Ambler Campus

Anthropology: Origins of Cultural Diversity
Many non-U.S. cultures have long, distinguished histories which can be traced ultimately to a common origin. This course examines the evolution of these cultures through the use of archaeological and paleoanthropological data, which ranges from four million years ago to the time of recorded history. Topics include the emergence of culture, the spread of human populations throughout the world, the origins of agriculture, and the rise of civilizations. The persistence of hunter/gatherer and other small-scale societies into the 19th and 20th centuries is also investigated.

Tuesday 7:25 PM - 9:55 PM
Ambler Campus

Regarding Martin Luther King, Jr.

2007-01-15T16:55:00.000-05:00

Taken from Martin Luther King's Acceptance Speech, on the occasion of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, December 10, 1964:

After contemplation, I conclude that this award which I receive on behalf of that movement is a profound recognition that nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral question of our time - - the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to violence and oppression. Civilization and violence are antithetical concepts. Negroes of the United States, following the people of India, have demonstrated that nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation. Sooner or later all the people of the world will have to discover a way to live together in peace, and thereby transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. If this is to be achieved, man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

Not to make an appeal to emotionalism, but c'mon have a heart.

Fuck You, Apple Inc.

2007-01-15T09:53:00.000-05:00

Link

A Thought for Friday Afternoon: Computer Maintenance

2007-01-12T16:23:00.000-05:00

You can swap out a motherboard without reinstalling windows, but you have to boot from the Windows installation CD and run a repair operation on the OS, so the system files (motherboard drivers, etc) can be overwritten.

But if you catch your scrotum on a sharp edge of the computer case, be careful to not fasten the screws down.

What Was That???

2007-01-11T21:43:00.000-05:00

Thank God Someone Put Those Xmas Decorations Away!

2007-01-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

They really were creeping me out.

This Just In: Megatron NOT Going To Be That Cool

2007-01-10T08:48:00.000-05:00

Bleh...
I CAN'T believe they are going to screw up a Transformers movie.
What would that thing even turn INTO?

From: http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/showthread.php?t=119712

Gassy Smell in NYC Prompts Evacs

2007-01-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

Reuters reports

A mysterious, powerful smell of natural gas throughout much of Manhattan forced evacuations of some buildings and a temporary suspension of a commuter train service on Monday morning as authorities scrambled to determine the source.

Impossible Is Something

2007-01-08T11:32:00.000-05:00

I just found this on YouTube, though I am sure alot of you have already seen it. However, you have to watch it so that you can be ready to see the follow up video.

Excellent.

OK. Got it? Ready for more? Check this out:

Regarding This Week's Thought for Friday Afternoon

2007-01-06T14:13:00.001-05:00

They can't all be gems.

A Thought For Friday Afternoon: ________

2007-01-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

I don't know what the big deal is about _______. When I was younger, ________ was the only thing we could use and _______ there weren't 25 different ways to ________ it. Who ever decided that my ______ needed an upgrade anyway? I never had any idea there was anything wrong with the old _______. But some ________ comes along and tells everyone ______ is gonna be so much better if you ________ it.

Well, fuck that.

I Don't Understand Why The Xmas Decorations Are Still Out

2007-01-05T15:31:00.000-05:00

Mmmmm... Transportation

2007-01-05T10:13:00.000-05:00

Guys, When Do We Put Away the Xmas Decorations?

2007-01-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Finnigan!!!

2007-01-02T19:59:00.000-05:00

6 years old!!!

I Can't Wait to Take Down The Christmas Decorations

2007-01-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why, but they are starting to creep me out.

Natasha Takes the Prettiest Pictures

2006-12-31T00:40:00.000-05:00

Action Movie Heroes

2006-12-29T23:11:00.000-05:00

Looks like this is going to be a big year for action movies,
and the traditional "action movie heroes" like
Shia LeBouf [Transformers]:

and Justin Long [Live Free or Die Hard 4]:

errr... huh?

A Thought For Friday Afternoon: Work

2006-12-29T15:50:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting as much because I have been very busy at work. Also, I had Monday and Tuesday off for a religious holiday. Which made it difficult to get much done this week, plus I was worried about losing all that pay. But you know what? I get paid for not working on religious holidays. Which made me think, if I get paid the same amount to stay home on those days, what would I get paid to come into work? And you know what? It turns out, if I had come in, I wouldn't have made any extra money.

Ain't that some shit?

Its just like all the other days, except its like somebody is there clocking me in, when I'm still at home. I don't get paid OT, so if I stay late, that is time I get to allocate to other weeks, so that I don't have to work in the future. So, if I work hard enough for long enough someday I may never have to come into work ever again, but they have to keep paying me! Haha! I really schooled the system this time.

Missing ATfFA Post

2006-12-29T15:34:00.000-05:00

Regarding the Friday Afternoon Thought from last week, Dec. 22nd. I did come up with a thought, a story really, about someone I know and something amazing happening to them, and how excited I was for it. But for some reason, I decided I didn't really want to blog it. Not sure why...

Anyway, just know that I wasn't slacking.
I just changed my mind.

In A World Where... OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!

2006-12-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

There are no words for how exciting this is. Even despite a COMPLETELY overhyped director and Steven Spielberg's Executive Producer title whored all over this thing. Oh no...
It's not possible to screw up a CGI/Live Action TRANSFORMERS (!!!) movie is it???
I feel dizzy.

SNL Digital Short with Andy Sandberg and JT

2006-12-18T17:29:00.000-05:00

I'm so jealous, for so many reasons.

Silver Shirt Dancer

2006-12-18T15:15:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of my friend Malachai. He loves his silver shirt, and he loves to dance. LOVES TO.

A Thought for Friday Afternoon: Stream

2006-12-15T15:58:00.000-05:00

I posted alot of web videos this week, and thats okay, because they were high quality content. But if it were possible, I would have preferred to post Web Turds. Web Turds would be pretty cool. You could send them to your friends, and you could share them, like in Second Life. In Second Life I am a crab. I wonder if crabs have turds. I don't make any crab turds in Second Life, but if I could, I would make them everywhere I went. Instead of people yelling, "Look its a crab!" when I walk into a room they'd all be yelling, "Why is that crab leaving turds all over the place?"

Yippiekiyay Mother Fuckers!!!!

2006-12-15T10:32:00.000-05:00

Refer to below.

Hahaha Lol.

2006-12-14T17:04:00.000-05:00

Seriously...

A crowbar. HAHAHAHAHHA.

Will It Blend?

2006-12-14T01:43:00.000-05:00

Oh man.
Good fun here: WillItBlend.com

If I may recommend:
Cochicken
Pens
Rake
Oysters
Crowbar
iPod

Dr. Phil vs. Bum Fights Guy

2006-12-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, Dr. Phil, backed up by his audience of concerned minivan-Moms, is all mounted up on his high horse ready to really tear into the creator of the Bum Fights videos.

"We have to be aware of whats floating around out there, and what our kids have access to," he says, making a case for why it is necessary to watch this "inappropriate" footage, on a family show, nonetheless. At which point they roll tape of "Ty defending his Bum Fights videos".

Again, to be clear:
We KNOW this is shocking footage. BUT, we wouldn't be asking you to watch it if it weren't ABSOLUTELY necessary to better understand what our kids are potentially seeing... when we let them surf the internet without parental supervision. There is NO way to prevent children from seeing this, and NO way of understanding what these videos entail without viewing them. So we MUST watch them, even though it will be difficult, for the safety of our children.

Obviously, the good Doctor would like to take this man to task on his reprehensible exploitation of those people who have no other method of supporting themselves, and his marketing of violence and societal degradation just to make some money. Doctor Phil knows that is WRONG, and it is his job as the new moral pillar of American MSM to tell him so. Until...

OH! It was too horrible to watch! Even if it IS for the children, Dr. Phil just cant bare to make you watch anymore. THAT is why Dr. Phil is going to kick Ty off the show...
But wait!!!
Could it be that Dr. Phil is motivated by something other than his deep moral commitment to the children and homeless? Could it be that Ty came out dressed AS Dr. Phil? And Dr. Phil maybe didn't want to talk to this guy (who obviously IS an asshole, but also kind of a pragmatic hero) because this guy wants to point out that Dr. Phil does the SAME thing? Preying on people who are poor and needy and overweight, and offering them $1000 (USD) to come on his show and be exploited?
Nah, couldn't be. He's a doctor after all.

My one regret is that this douche bag (Ty, not Phil,PhD) didn't have the foresight to figure out Phil wouldn't want to talk to some guy who was visibly mocking him in such a "senior prank" kind of way. I would LOVE to hear what that ass-hat (Phil, not Ty) would have to say in response to Ty's accusation that they are both exploiting the needy.
Oh well...

Monday Morning

2006-12-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

A Thought for Friday Afternoon: Dwight's Blog

2006-12-08T16:37:00.000-05:00

This is my new friday afternoon post, where every friday afternoon, I have a thought.
This week:

Dwight Schrute has a blog at NBC.com, called "a blog on the internet,".

A fantastic title that I wish I had thought of.

I Work In A Small Office

2006-12-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

Its hard to discuss this without sounding like I am being insulting. But, I really REALLY need to try.

When you work in a small office, some things can seem unnecessarily formal. I suppose it is necessary for some things to follow a protocol regardless of the office size. But when there are 4 desks in a 20'x20' block and people are using the phone system to communicate, you start to get the sense that, maybe, they are taking the term "work" a little bit too seriously.

This has made me laugh a few times over some little things, but mostly I tried to avoid being too judgmental. The people that work here are nice, and enjoy working in a small office with people they know, and obviously enjoy the familiarity of that experience. And who am I too insult them for that? But today it went too far.

With the Holiday season upon us, everyone wants to make their plans and have their parties. And today the office was "abuzz" (with as much of a "buzz" as a 4 person office can be), with Christmas plans (Yes, "Christmas" plans, when you work with 4 white people in Bucks county you don't get alot of diversity sensitivity). And the pure futility of it all just hit me too hard. It was all I could do to avoid laughing out loud. The Christmas party is set for Tuesday, the 19th. But the office needs to be decorated, and we are going to have a Christmas time "celebration" in the daytime as well. Here is how that conversation went, approximately:

Phil: I will bring in Dunkin' Donuts (on the 22nd).

Deb: But Paul W. (a vendor) always brings in the bagel tray.

Phil: I'll bring them on a different day. What day should I bring them?

Crystal: When are we going to decorate?

Deb: I'll pull out the decorations.

Phil: I'll bring in Dunkin' Donuts on the 21st instead.

Deb: What should we have for lunch?

Crystal: Oh no! What will we have for lunch?

Phil: Well, are we having the lunch on the 21st or the 22nd?

Crystal: Oh no!! When will we have the lunch? The 21st or 22nd?

Deb: Can we go home after lunch, if we have it on the 22nd?

Jen (The Manager): We'll have lunch, and then we'll go home.

Deb: But Don (the owner) will be here until 4, to make sure we don't go home.

Crystal: Oh no!!! Don will be here to make sure we don't go home!

Jen: We'll have lunch, then we'll come up and do a little work. Then we can go home.

Deb: What are we going to eat for lunch?

Crystal: Oh no! What are we going to eat for lunch?

Jen: I will make up a hoagie spread.

Crystal: Oh no!!! You can't make a hoagie spread, lunch meat is too expensive!

Deb: Who will bring in the chips?

Crystal: Oh no!!! Who will bring in the chips?

Deb: Matt can bring in the chips. (Matt works in the warehouse. He is part time.)

Jen: Ok, Matt can bring in the chips.

Deb: Crystal makes some absolutely amazing brownies.

Crystal: Oh no.... You really think so???

Jen: Crystal, you bring in the brownies.

Deb: What will CJ bring?

Crystal: Oh no!!! What will CJ bring?

Me (in my head): SHUT THE HELL UP, CRYSTAL!

Me (out loud): I can bring...

Jen: He can bring a tray of pickles, and olives, and ...

Deb: Yeah, he can bring a jar of pickles.

Me: I will bring some condiments.

... and so on. You get the idea. It doesn't seem as funny now that I have typed it out. But it was very funny at the time. I mean for christ's sake we order lunch every day. We have hoagies like 3x a week!

Here's a picture of our Christmas decorations.

RIP: James Kim

2006-12-07T13:15:00.000-05:00

What a god damn shame.

Brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. news.com (owned by cnet.com, where Kim was an editor and product reviewer) has posted a touching article in memoriam. Maybe Gretchen is making me soft or something, but I'll be damned if I can find anything but tragedy in this whole story.

What a god damn shame.

Vampire Freaks!!!

2006-12-06T22:47:00.000-05:00

My friend Josh just wrote to let me know about vampirefreaks.com. An excellent find. Apparently, Josh is having trouble getting away from the message boards at the goth-world website, long enough to do things like bathe, and work.

A brief scanning of the aforementioned message boards revealed plenty to become obsessed about, including a Body Modification board, which features advice on how to get your friend to not "self-pierce" (Hint: Show her this).

One of my favorite users is xmurdertrampx. Whose avatar is an animated gif of that cgi Garfield thing, swirling its tail around. Sweet.

Hours of enjoyment.
Nice find, Josh.

The Day I Ate Two Quad Stackers In A Row

2006-12-06T21:26:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, CTCressman told me he thought it would be a great idea for me to eat a couple BK Quad Stackers back to back. At the time, it seemed like a perfectly reasonable request, especially when he said that I wouldn't have to pay.

Heres how I recall that conversation unraveling:
CTC: CJ!

CJM: CT...

CTC: Whose my favorite little guy?!?

CJM: Klasic...

CTC: YOU KNOW IT!!! BOYEEEEE!

CJM: So what... So what... So whatcha want??? Whatcha want???

CTC: Houpert called. He wants to watch you stuff 8 patties in your mouth. Think you can handle it?

CJM: BOOO-YAH!!!

CTC: Cum bacon?

CJM: Ewwwwww....

CTC: No, its french. It means "with bacon".

CJM: Done, and done. Thank you.

CTC: Suckle you later!

CJM: Suckle yourself...

November 25th 2006. 7:10 pm:

7:10 pm:Houpert was late, so Cressman went ahead and purchased the sandwiches for me. Krap may have also contributed some money, I cannot remember.

This gentlemen assembled the pair of Quad Stackers with patience and care...
Actually, that is kind of true.

"Here is your order, sir. We bear no responsibility if it is your last."

Paper evidence of my imminent death.

7:14 pm: The first bite of my final meal.

Look at ALL THAT MEAT!!!

...

Oh god...

I feel a little dizzy.

OK, back at it...

Buuuuurrrrrrrrp...

Here is a brief video of the final bites of the first quad stacker.

Thank God for orange drink.

Taking Another Break.

7:19 pm: This one tastes even better than the first.

Now a word from our sponsor.

I can do this.

Last bite.

7:21 pm: DONE!

7:32 pm: Oh yeah... by the way. We went to China Wok Super Buffet right after.

General Tso's, Dumplings, crab balls, Weirdo Hot Dog, Slimey Purple Thing, and CRAB LEGS!!!!

General Tso's went down fine.
Slimey Purple Thing was ok, but I'd rather not.
Managed one crab ball.
First time in my life I couldn't eat a dumpling.
But I DESTROYED THOSE CRAB LEGS!

Almost forgot about dessert!
Chinese Donut!
Raw Clam!
Bananas in Red Stuff!
Vanilla Pudding!
Cake!
Purple Grapes!

This is gonna be delicious!

Mmmm... raw clam from a buffet.
Seriously...

Where did that bloody thumb come from?

11:55 pm: Third quad stacker of the day.

Most of these Photos & Video by Krap.

New New Job

2006-12-04T15:38:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day of my second week at my new job. I am back at a desk, so you can expect plenty of new updates. Or at least some. Starting with a ~~Couch Tomato UPDATE~~ SOMETHING DISGUSTING!!!

I May Have to Propose

2006-11-14T03:23:00.000-05:00

Brian MFing Westbrook

Just A Photo

2006-10-13T23:09:00.000-04:00

Baby Blue

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2006-10-11T10:35:00.000-04:00

Well, my router tells me I have been switched from Time Warner to Comcast this morning. Comcast has been permitted to takeover the rest of philadelphia. And apparently, their hardware isn't configured 100%, yet because these were my results from a speedtest:

Yes, that's right 23Mbps, and I'm still pissed off about switching to Comcast.

Update: Harvest Celebration Theme Announced

2006-10-08T10:56:00.000-04:00

Well, the first of many details has been decided upon today, the official theme of this year's Harvest Celebration is "The Joe Meyers's Bonfire"!!!
Thank you, Josh!

Here is a picture of some trees:

Also, some news from the rumor mill, there is a distinct possibility the Jack Stallone crew will be in full effect, and possibly presenting, or creating (not sure which) some new content. You definitely don't want to miss this!

Gretchen Hearts Finnigan

2006-10-06T20:22:00.000-04:00

Sunnin'

Harvest Celebration Announced

2006-10-06T07:10:00.000-04:00

Well, all the details are pure speculation at this point, but it is official:
The 3rd Annual Silverdale Samhain Oktoberfest Halloween Fall Autumn Harvest Event is a go. Again, not 100% sure on what specific events to expect (rumor mill says mystery bag and "bonfire" are a definite) or even a start time (rumors suggest b/w 3 and 4 pm), but the date is solid. Pretty much...

Keep it stuck at cjmemay.com for updates.

Here is a video of last year's "bonfire", or at least when we first started it.
I'ts a huge file so it will probably take awhile to start. Enjoy!

Say "Hello" to Gretchen

2006-10-05T09:47:00.000-04:00

The Littlest Bitch Around

Gretchen is a Toy Fox Terror. She is 10 weeks old. She weighs less than 2 pounds, before she poops. She is completely out of her mind. In case you didn't notice, I did not post once last week. Gretchen is why.

But she is adorable, and Fin loves her. OK, its a begrudging love. Actually, Fin hates her. He knows she is a pain in the ass, but hopefully he starts liking her very soon, because we got Gretchen to keep Fin company.

I'm sure there will be lots of photos of her in the upcoming weeks, before we get sick of her and give her to the SPCA.

I'm kidding. Geez, calm down.

New Link: hauntedbucks.com

2006-10-02T20:24:00.000-04:00

Christopher T. Cressman has published his annual haunted attractions page.

It is being added, at least temporarily, to the Links section.

On a similar note, an upcoming post will hopefully go through the entirety of my links, explaining why each one is there.

Happy Hauntings!

Update: What's Next: Alpharocker Records?

2006-10-02T06:06:00.001-04:00

This is probably THE worst time to post an update on my creepy fake news story about Jon Solomon dating my girlfriend, considering, I think I may have just deliriously BEGGED him to do me the greatest favor that has ever been done. But, it turns out, I was right!!! Jon is dating my girlfriend. And the proof?
Right here.
Third band on his most recent playlist?
Bad. News. Bats.

Now, normally the Bad News Bats are ALL good news. But, not this time. Oh, you would do it this way, wouldn't you, Jon Solomon? Stab me in the back with 1/2 of my new favorite band pairings. Well, too shay, Mister Solomon, too shay [sic].

But, if playing my favorite bands was proof that my girlfriend is controlling the airwaves via Jon Solomon, I would have lots of proof, by now. No, no... theres something else. So, boys and girls, I'm sure you'd like to know how I know. What's the Natasha connection this time?

Well, Natasha used to work at the Walnut Street Theater, selling subscriptions to theater-goers... ALONG WITH: Mary Beth Chew (!), Bassist for the Bad News Bats!

These two thought they could trick me by playing the Bad News Bats on WPRB, instead of City Paper's Local Support, but I'm not blind! I am a Bad News Bat (fan), and that means I will use my keen bat-powered vision to contnue piecing this puzzle together.

ASDGHAI GASDFA JKLSDHFA !!o$&@($&*!(@$~~~!!!!

2006-10-02T05:44:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap! I just can't hold it in any longer, it seems like there are so many things I should be blogging first, but I feel like my heart and mind are about to explode. I might have 2 new favorite bands and they are both from philly.

For a slowcore, alt-country idiot like myself this is a weird position to be in, because even though i have always loved the rock, the top spots in the billboard of my heart were always reserved for acoustic guitars, and Hank Williams covers. But holy crap, i might even dye my hair black over:
bad news bats
&
twentyagon

and here's why, cause we all know bad news bats have kicked ass for over a year now, and I've even heard a good bit about twentyagon lately, but then, it hit me.
If these two played a show together, it would quite possibly be the greatest show of ALL TIME! I bet it would be like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters. It "shouldn't" happen... Oh, oh, oh, but when it does giant dogs, who were formerly people, will turn into ashy stone, and break apart revealing LIVING people inside!!!
OH Crap this could be the best idea ever! I think I might cry.

OHMYGOD!!! WHAT IF IT WAS ON HALLOWEEN?!?!?!? THE SHOW!!!! WHAT IF IT WAS ON HALLOWEEN!?!??!? THERE ARE NO WORDS. I am EXHAUSTED BY THE IDEA! CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS NO LONGER HAVE MEANING!!! MY LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT IS SO FAR BEYOND THAT!

Someone please!!! Tell these two amazing bands to play together for halloween! PLEASE. Someone must be able to do it, but who?
I GOT IT!
Jon MOTHERFUCKING Solomon.

Ok, I know, at this point I sound a little weirdly obsessed with Jon Solomon, but I mean C'MON! 80 minutes of local music every 2 weeks, condensed neatly into my ipod and i have to do NONE work. But! hear me out, if Jon Solomon can pull this off, the show, with those two bands, I promise to never mention his name on this or any other website ever again. At least not in a creepy, "Misery" kind of way.

Ok, I did my job. That idea has officially been had. By me. I had it. Now you people do something.

4 Giant Turtles, Rat Sensei Injured in Blast

2006-09-23T04:40:00.000-04:00

2 Days after an underground explosion rocked Center City, Jefferson University Hospital Doctors are still concerned about the condition of, what can only be described as, a 5 foot 2 soft-spoken Rat-Man, injured in the underground explosions on Thursday.

Doctors haven't stated whether they are more concerned about injuries from the blast, or the fact that he has a 4 foot long, quasi-prehensile tail, that can be used for balancing, disciplining adolescent turtles, and fighting. One doctor, Roc Stetty, Md. of Jefferson University Hospital, had this to say:

It's not so much that we can't treat those injuries in a regular person. It's just that its weird, cause he's a rat.

Doctors say the 4 turtles, who can speak (and DO, OFTEN), have recovered physically, but not emotionally. The turtles were injured, but managed to protected themselves from severe danger by diving, melodramatically, into the sewer water. A moment that one of them (who they refer to as Raf), later recalls as "Nasty".

The turtles, who all approach 6 feet tall, have yet to be released from the hospital. Dr. B. Bop says the turtles are still being observed for symptoms of PTSD, more commonly referred to on the streets (and in the sewer) as "shell shock".

It is quite possible and humoursly ironical that these giant turtles might have shell shock. Wouldn't that be something?

The turtles say they moved to Philadelphia 2 years ago, from New York City. They have been living in the sewer in Center City, but were returning home from apartment hunting in Northern Liberties. Raf thinks Philadelphia is great, but only in some neighborhoods.

Northern Liberties is more, like, authentic than Center City, its like in Rittenhouse Square, everyone is all about image, and thats exactly why we moved out of Manhattan.

The turtle they call Leonardo added:

Yeah, we could have gone to Brooklyn Heights, I know. But that's been happening for 20 years now, Philadelphia is the next big thing...

...You can just tell Philadelphia is about to "happen". I just hope Master Splinter is around to see it.

Indeed.

Chomsky Admits Defeat, Advises All to Flee

2006-09-22T00:10:00.000-04:00

This morning, I was on the phone with Noam Chomsky, discussing the wire-tapping case, and he surprised me when he said:

Its all kindsa fucked man! This shit ain't gettin any fuckin' better. Get outta the fucking country while you still have a dick.

I guess things really are that bad.

Just Like Ghostbusters 2!!!

2006-09-21T15:31:00.000-04:00

Manhole covers are exploding everywhere!!!

Or at least somewhere.

Jon Solomon was right!!! Philadelphia actually IS burning!

NBC 10 reports:

Crews evacuated the Grant Building and One Center Square, an office complex at 15th and Market streets, after multiple underground explosions.

The Coolest Office Desk Ever!

2006-09-21T13:34:00.000-04:00

On Craigslist:

FREE!!! Heavy metal office desk with wood top at curb.

I'll bet its got a flaming skull painted on the side!

My Beard Stinks.

2006-09-21T13:11:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I need to shower everyday.

Cops Everywhere Going Insane.

2006-09-20T20:03:00.000-04:00

Pittsburgh
Where an officer spent 20-30 minutes waiting for backup, while aiming his gun at a 7 year-old.
“I said, ‘What’s the problem, officer?’ and he said ‘Get your hands up,’” wrote Lawton in a prepared statement. “He repeated, pulled out his gun and pointed into the passenger side of the window where my youngest daughter was trying to get her seatbelt off. So, I put my hands up.”
Philly
Where cops repeatedly tazered and clubbed a man for "talking to a young lady on the street," and then, exchanging "words with a gentleman".
Officer Demayo, continuing to behave like a poster child for mandatory sensitivity training and continuing professionalism training, taunted outraged on-lookers - shouting ?STEP OVER HERE - I?LL SHOW YOU WHAT RODNEY KING?S ALL ABOUT!?
Kent State
A black squirrel is becoming the safety symbol of Kent State University's police about 45 years after the rodents arrived on the northeast Ohio school's campus.

"45 years after the rodents arrived"??? Are you serious??? This is KENT STATE we are talking about. The timeline at Kent State will NEVER be based on when the squirrels arrived. How about something like:
36 years after the state ordered murder of 4 students, Kent State residents can rest easy knowing that, today, only blood sucking, hate-filled, black squirrels are a threat to life on campus, and not the Ohio National Guard.

What's Next? Alpharocker Records?

2006-09-20T17:50:00.000-04:00

File this under: 2 Week Old News

I don't know if anyone noticed this, but either Jon Solomon is getting thematic, or someone is influencing his decisions:

Just one week after playing Ian Boothman's Retro Electro on Local Support #13, Solomon casted Ian's dad's band, 1929, on Local Support #14. Weird, but not yet crazy.

ALSO on eppy #14 is the A-Sides, whose bassist, Mike Fleming, was good friends with Ian's sister, Natasha, at Drexel.

Now here's where it all comes together: Natasha, has recently been spotted at several Old City clubs and after parties, WITH Jon Solomon!

Talk about PAYOLA!!!

New wHYMe, Finally!!!

2006-09-20T04:43:00.000-04:00

Oh man, I was jonesing for a new podcast, and finally, I got it. Just need to wait for it to click....
...
Ohhhh, there we go.
Seriously, the Worst Music You Ever Heard is the BEST Podcast this side of Wednesday night (thats when Jon Solomon gives us another Local Support).

Actually, you know what? That's crap. wHYMe, is WAY more fun to listen to. And I never listened to 5 hours of Local Support in a row.

Today Be Talk Like A Pirate Day

2006-09-19T12:01:00.000-04:00

Methinks ye know what that might mean.

I Laughed So Hard I Pissed My $120 Jeans

2006-09-18T16:00:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap! That scary looking 61 year-old man is the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch. [(via BvV) via I've Made A Huge Tiny Mistake]

Only in Philadelphia

2006-09-17T17:13:00.001-04:00

Eagles Lose to NY Giants [30-24]
Fuckin' Chokers!

Nostalgia

2006-09-14T01:31:00.000-04:00

I was just sitting around remembering some things that never happened...

Retro Electro Does It Again

2006-09-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

Will this guy ever stop?
Retro Electro does it again. This time, its an untitled psychadelic quasi-ambient tearjerker, that further showcases the amazing soundscapes and songwriting that you are missing out on.

I heard Alpharocker Online offered him a spot on the portal and Alpharocker Records wanted to release the first ep, but, apparently RE is holding out for some big-time offers.

If he ever plays a show, you need to show up.

Yards Philadelphia Pale Ale

2006-09-13T13:12:00.000-04:00

Afternoon Delight

My Burning Man Costume

2006-09-13T11:05:00.000-04:00

'nuff said.

Fire in Manayunk

2006-09-13T10:46:00.000-04:00

What the shit? An auto garage BLOWS up a half block from my house, and it doesn't even make the news?

Also, why the hell didn't I take a picture of the building last night when it was ENGULFED in flames? Instead, all I have is this crappy photo of the building the next day. Not interesting. Just looks like a crappy building.

This is the worst post ever.

Another New Layout

2006-09-11T16:47:00.000-04:00

Blogger has been updated, and in order to use some of the new features I have to redo my layout.
Christ.

Suburban Station - Saturday, 2:00pm

2006-09-09T16:35:00.000-04:00

Seriously awesome. This guy made my day.

Weird Message

2006-09-09T10:43:00.000-04:00

Today, I recieved a strange email. It says its from Stephen Colbert and it is addressed to my girlfriend, somehow, I recieved it. It consisted only of this picture... weird.

"That night in New York" is most likely referring to this night, when they met, briefly. This is all very strange.

(via The Clog)

Funniest Picture I've Seen in Awhile

2006-09-07T19:40:00.000-04:00

twizlers

MySpace One Line Haiku

2006-09-06T20:57:00.000-04:00

I DESPISE MySpace.It is THE worst website I have ever used.

SUMMABITCH

2006-09-04T23:39:00.000-04:00

PURCHASED 250 GB SATA300MBPS HARD DRIVE TODAY!!!
FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH SPACE TO MAKE ROOM FOR REST OF JACK STALLONE'S FIFTY CENT FILMS SKETCH COMEDIES/SHORT FILMS FOR EDITING!!!

JUST POOPED IN PANTS!!!

Steve Irwin Killed by Sting Ray Barb

2006-09-04T03:03:00.000-04:00

Animal adventurer Steve Irwin is dead, at 44, after the barb of a Sting Ray punctured his chest.
RIP, Crocodile Hunter.